Self-advocacy is the ability to speak up for yourself, voicing your wants and needs, and clearly communicating to others what you need to succeed. This is easier said than done for many people. Advocating for oneself is made difficult by societal intersectionalities that compound and complicate the experience. For example, the intersectionality of race and gender further complicates the experiences of women. Especially for women of color, particularly Black women, who have been historically portrayed as “aggressive” when communicating basic emotions like frustration, disappointment, and anger. For a lot of women, the fear of being perceived as rude, selfish, and or aggressive keeps them from advocating for their needs/wants altogether. Developing self-advocacy skills can serve you in all aspects of your life from the workplace to relationships. So here are some tips to help:

Know What You Want/Need And Be Clear

Do you want a friend to stop making jokes at your expense? Go to them and detail how their words make you feel. Do you want a doctor to take your health more seriously? Explain your thoughts and concerns about what you are experiencing and exactly how it is interfering with your daily life. Write down specific questions and anecdotes you might have about your symptoms. The more clarity and details you have, the better prepared you can be to cover everything.

Start Small

Maybe this looks like returning your food when it doesn’t come prepared how you ordered it. This could look like expressing your frustration at a friend for disrespecting your time or your things. It is important to remember that advocating for yourself doesn’t have to be big and you can remain kind while being firm. Of course, use your personal judgment to make sure you know the line between being firm and being disrespectful of others. Also, find when it is important to stand up for yourself and when it might be better to let something go.

Practice the Ask

Practicing can be helpful if you typically have trouble with confrontation. Write out a script or bullet points and read it in front of a mirror. Role-play with a friend or family member and have them act out potential outcomes.

Give Yourself Grace

Go easy on yourself. We don’t always get things right. We might fumble at times. It’s part of being human. And that’s ok! It is important to still try. Ultimately, you are your best asset and advocate. It may take a while to become comfortable with self-advocating, but you owe it to yourself to be the one who stands up for you when no one else will.